Psychiatrist Turns Geeks Into Studs

" SEXPOT psychiatrist Dr. Cynthia Mesner turns timid and tittering geeks into swaggering studs with an exciting new psychiatric technique that relies on the Freud-like power of her 38-DD breasts! Deep-trance modification therapy with mammary adjunct" or "nip-notism," as the unorthodox doctor herself prefers to call the technique "is useful" in lulling nerds, Weird Harolds and other girl-shy guys into an altered state. As they continue to stare helplessly at her fully-exposed fun bags that's right, she works topless -- Mesner breathlessly whispers a series of "post nip-notic" suggestions that her patients will obey long after she's snapped them out of their trance. "I tell them they're 'hunky' and 'stud muffins' and say that everywhere they go, they'll drive women wild with desire," "The technique is far more effective than conventional hypnotherapy. Just getting these young men to look at my chest after I pop the buttons on my blouse is a major accomplishment. "But it sets the stage for them to grapple with and then conquer their fear of the opposite sex. "With hypnosis alone, we expect every patient to need additional treatment, and only three of 10 will ever learn to be comfortable around females. "With nip-notism, nine of 10 will go on to lead exciting and meaningful new lives as studs." The curvy 32-year-old doctor and former Watermelon Queen says she developed nip-nosis after noticing that men who asked for help with women often couldn't bring themselves to make eye contact with her. "One morning I was counseling a young man who wouldn't stop staring at the floor so I walked around my desk and lifted his head up with my right hand and forced him look at me," she recalls. "He was fighting to turn away, so I ripped off my blouse and bra with my left hand and screamed at him, 'Look! Look! They're shirt puppies, yes but they won't bite you!' "He calmed down instantly and, believe it or not, his voice dropped two octaves, from a tittering falsetto to a rich baritone. "I knew then and there I was on to something. "So I went to work to develop the full nip-notic technique that I'm using today, which is a marriage of otherwise conventional hypnotherapy, psychoanalysis and 'tough love' techniques." The sizzling psychiatrist charges $250 an hour for her services and there's a wait of up to six months for an appointment. She accepts insurance and, amazingly, most companies pay for nip-notic sessions. "Dr. Cynthia took me from dud to stud in just one session," testifies one ex-nerd. "At the age of 24, I was a virgin who'd never even been out on a date. And now, just six weeks after she nip-notised me, I've got 18 'babe notches' in the headboard over my bed."

Busted! Labrador retrieves owner's pot to cops

MSNBC:"Grapevine, Tex. - J.D. the Labrador retriever meant well, but he has landed his owner in a mess of trouble. Police say his owner was playing Frisbee golf with two friends at a suburban Dallas-Fort Worth course when a police officer arrived.The officer thought he smelled burning marijuana, so he asked the men for identification and began checking for outstanding warrants. J.D (the-dog) apparently sensing the party was over, waded into nearby Bear Creek, retrieved a plastic bag containing pot and brought it to the officer. The black Lab’s 25-year-old owner was charged with possessing drug paraphernalia. One of his companions was charged with marijuana possession. The third member of the party wasn’t charged. J.D. was turned over to him. Now tell me, this dog-J.D. wasn't mad at his owner for NOT.. throwing him the frisbee to play with them..LOL"

New Medical Study

Jay Leno:"According to a new medical study, it's healthy for a wife to get angry at her husband than to keep it all inside which can lead to disease. So guys when the wife runs you over with the SUV, she's just trying to live a healthier lifestyle." Saw this and laughed, had to share it with you. I like this guy-Leno, he comes up with the strangest stuff, and pulls it off!

Urinating in public

News:"Niagara Falls, Ontario - The operators of Casino Niagara told a local newspaper that customers urinating around slot machines had become a serious problem. Customers who believed a slot machine would soon pay off were afraid to leave the machines and either wore adult diapers, urinated into the plastic coin cups or simply on the floor next to the machines...This is Nasty...And how's you Day ..LOL"

" Saw this and wanted to post it, moneys tight right now maybe I should find a differant job? I heard Burger King Is hiring!!" 

" Ladies...Careful what you write on a cue'-card to your man...It may distract him" 

"Hate Monday ? Brain just don't work right.....Well here's a button you can now put on your key-board for those times when you just know....YOU SCREWED -UP!!" 

I'm Just A Love Machine

 

Angel Wings

Record News:"Man gives lift to those who need free ride for non-emergency health care Richard Sutton is an angel to many. An Angel Flight America volunteer, the Wichita Falls man is one of 850 pilots who help provide free, non-emergency transportation for people who have medical conditions that require travel. Angel Flight South Central - located in Addison, Texas - is one of the six groups that are a part of Angel Flight America. From Addison, volunteers oversee missions in Texas, Oklahoma, Arkansas, Louisiana and parts of New Mexico, Mississippi and Tennessee. Sutton also happens to be a retired physician. "(Angel Flight) gives me an opportunity to stay involved in medicine and provide a necessary service," he said. Sutton prefers to take on flights that originate in the Wichita Falls area because he can meet the needs of local residents and be home in time to take care of his own responsibilities. Angel Flight pilots pay for each flight out of their own pockets. With aviation fuel currently more than $3 per gallon, a round-trip flight to Houston from Wichita Falls costs no less than $400. Most flights for Sutton have been to Houston where he has carried patients for treatments or consultations at The University of Texas M.D. Anderson Cancer Center. More than 70 percent of the patients transported by Angel Flight South Central are cancer patients, including many children. The only requirements for using Angel Flight is that the patient be ambulatory, capable of being in an unpressurized aircraft and able to sit upright for the flight. Many use Angel Flight services because they don't have money to travel, but others may simply be too sick to drive or to fly on a commercial flight. Sutton believes the best part of being an Angel Flight volunteer pilot is contributing to the patients' care. He may have traded in his stethoscope for a pair of wings, but he continues to provide hope and healing for those in need.
To volunteer :
Pilots should have a minimum of 200 hours of flight time and access to at least a 4-seat aircraft To donate or for more information: www.angelflightsc.org"

Cats and dogs OK'd to cohabitate in Utah town

MSNBC:" Residents in Provo, Utah, can now officially own both cats and dogs. City Council members voted unanimously Tuesday to replace the word “or” with the word “and” in existing city code, which means residents can now own up to two cats and, two dogs at the same time. The problem was discovered when Susan Sewell and her family went to the Utah County Animal Shelter in Spanish Fork to adopt a kitten. The family already has a cat and a dog. They chose a kitten and began filling out the adoption paperwork. But when shelter staff learned of their existing pets, the family was told they couldn’t have the new animal because Provo only allowed residents to have cats or dogs, not cats and dogs. “I don’t think people will abuse the law just because it gets changed,” Sewell told the council. She said the family will be returning to the shelter to try again to adopt a kitten. “The kids will be begging us tonight, I’m sure,” she said after the council meeting." Excuse me?? I live in Idaho and I have been to Utah, and never did I hear this one before...I know in the town I live you can't have more then 2- dogs, unless you get a permit signed my the people who live around you, saying they don't mind...But A city ruling saying you can't have a dog & cat in the same house? Now I would be in real trouble at my house, because we have 2-cat's & 1-dog-(daughter's) 1-dog & 1-rat-(son's) and last but least, me. 11-goldfish (mine) What you got?

Love A Look into a Deeper Order

guyfinley:"It isn't hard, at times, to love others for what they are. Such relationships are on easy terms, and we receive what we give in a fair measure. But to love another for what they may yet be -- to give them the patience and kindness that lets them flower, this is a different task altogether. For to love a person for what he or she may be, costs us; and to pay this coin we must, ourselves, run in debt to who it is that we hope to be, an act that requires our payment in every moment, and with all those we meet. This is something I need to learn and repeat to myself each and everyday in my life, & to remind myself. I can only control what happens with-in my own feelings."

Gas prices helping.... WHO??

Gulfnews:"Other things gas prices are affecting are the bottom lines of OPEC and their brethen in the U.S.A. Where oh where has the money gone. While our government sits on its hands, oil companies are reaping criminal profits. Yes, we can point to the refineries as part of the problem, and indeed they are. However, all the money
is going to fuel. Our fuel prices have doubled, but our salaries stay the same. So what little discrecionary cash we did have is all but gone now. Hollywood is complaining about lower movie goer turnout. Hello! We won't talk about the outrageous cost for popcorn, that's another story all together. I think that is just the beginning. We are starting to see the rise in food costs and other materials will soon start. Inflation will start to take off, meantime our salaries stay the same. So first the movie theaters and other entertainment venues take the hit. Restaurants may see a tapering off also as people will not be able to afford to go out as much. Stores with paper thin margins all ready will start closing down. And where is all the money going, oh yeah, the oil companies. Hasn't it been noted in the papers the egregious profits they are getting? Oh and one last note, who in their right mind, would put almost all of our refineries located in the same area of the gulf coast? I understand the "not in my backyard" mentality, and believe me, I have been through Bay City, Tx and wouldn't want that smell in my backyard. However, these refineries should have been spread around more to minimize impact. We have a second major hurricane bearing down on TX. Could we lose the balance of the refineries?"

Idiot Sheriff's

"An individual who plugged her power strip Back into itself and for the life of her couldn't understand why her system would not turn on. Till someone pointed it out to her... A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriff's office no less."

Home-improvements Signs you went over-board

1. You’ve built a drive-thru car wash in the second slot of your 2-car garage.
2. You’ll use any excuse to add a new room onto the house, including needing more space for the newest addition to the family – your daughter’s goldfish, Buffy.
3. Even Martha Stewart has deemed your multi-level, hydraulically-operated kitchen “a bit overdone.”
4. You’ve converted the standard stall shower into a “bathing waterfall,” complete with tropical plants.
5. Your rear-projection, surround-sound TV room can comfortably seat 43, and you’re trying to make arrangements with Universal for first-run films.
6. Your dog has a duplex dog house out back, even though he sleeps in bed with you every night.
7. The local building department says you can’t add a fourth floor to a house that was originally zoned as a single level dwelling.
8. You bought and demolished your next door neighbor’s house to make room for an Olympic size swimming pool.
9. You’ve installed a small freight elevator going to your attic.

10. You’ve built an FAA-approved heli-pad on your roof.

Found this at : http://www.shaeleighland.com/ Thank-you for letting me borrow it..Will share it well!!

Late Nite therapy For Couples

I hope her mate was at the hospital already, because from the looks on her face he'll end up their!!

Recalled Medicines... IMPORTANT!!

"My Son sent this to me to read and I felt it was something I should tell everyone so here it is. Also with the e-mail address of the people who made this claim..Pass it on!!

To confirm these findings please take time to check the following:

http://www.fda.gov/cder/drug/infopage/ppa/

You may want to try calling the 800 number listed on most, drug boxes and inquire about a REFUND. Please read this.....CAREFULLY. Also, please pass this on to everyone you know....STOP TAKING anything containing this ingredient. It has been linked to increased hemorrhagic stroke (bleeding in brain) among women ages 18-49 in the three days after starting use of medication. Problems were not found in men, but the FDA - Recommended that everyone (even children) seek alternative medicine. They are asking you to call them at 800-548-3708 with the lot number on the box so they can send you postage for you to send it back to them, and they will also issue you a refund. Please pass this on so people are informed.

Phenylpropanolamine in these are causing strokes and seizures in children:

Orange 3D.... Cold &Allergy Cherry (Pink)....3D Cold &Cough Berry....3D Cough Relief Yellow 3D Expectorant.

The following medications contain Phenylpropanolamine:

Acutrim Diet Gum Appetite Suppressant ....Acutrim Plus Dietary Supplements ....Acutrim Maximum Strength Appetite Control ...Alka-Seltzer Plus Children's Cold Medicine Effervescent ....Alka-Seltzer Plus Cold medicine (cherry or orange) ....Alka-Seltzer Plus Cold Medicine Original ....Alka-Seltzer Plus Cold &Cough Medicine Effervescent ...Alka-Seltzer Plus Cold &Flu Medicine ....Alka-Seltzer Plus Cold &Sinus Effervescent ....Alka Seltzer Plus Night-Time Cold Medicine ....BC Allergy Sinus Cold Powder ....BC Sinus Cold Powder ....Comtrex Flu Therapy &Fever Relief ...Day &Night Contac 12-Hour Cold Capsules ....Contac 12 Hour Caplets ....Coricidin D Cold, Flu &Sinus ....Dexatrim Caffeine Free ....Dexatrim Extended Duration .... Dexatrim Gelcaps ... Dexatrim Vitamin C/Caffeine Free .... Dimetapp Cold &Allergy Chewable Tablets .... Dimetapp Cold &Cough Liqui-Gels ....Dimetapp DM Cold &Cough Elixir .... Dimetapp Elixir .... Dimetapp 4 Hour Liquid Gels .... Dimetapp 4 Hour Tablets .... Dimetapp 12 Hour Extentabs Tablets .... Naldecon DX Pediatric Drops ....Permathene Mega-16 ....Robitussin CF ....Tavist-D 12 Hour Relief of Sinus & Nasal Congestion ....Triaminic DM Cough Relief ....Triaminic Expectorant Chest &Head ....Triaminic Syrup Cold &Allergy ....Triaminic Triaminicol Cold & Cough.

AGAIN!!...They are asking you to call them at 800-548-3708 with the lot number on the box so they can send you postage for you to send it back to them.

Dennis Young, (Chief) - Thompson Valley EMS
380 N. Wilson Ave.
Loveland, CO 80537
youngdr@tvems.com "

Idiot Workers

"At a airport, a women was checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge? To which she replied, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know? He smiled knowingly and nodded, "That's why we ask."

Happened at a Birmingham, Ala. Airport. As Jess Foxworthy would say: HERE'S YOUR SIGN!!"

Brittany Spears' Oop's - I did it again

Pop Princess has a 2-pack a day habit!!... But says she plans on quitting to help her baby...SO much for her goodie two shoes look!!.....I knew she wasn't perfect as the world thought!!

Heroin use on - Live TV

Amsterdam, Netherlands :" A television presenter on a new Dutch talk show plans to take heroin and other illegal drugs on air in a program intended to reach young audiences on topics that touch their lives. The show, scheduled to premier on late-night television Oct. 10, is called "Spuiten & Slikken," or the "Shoot Up and Swallow" show. Even in the liberal Netherlands, where marijuana is sold and used openly, the idea was met with dismay by the governing center-right Christian Democrat party. Justice Ministry spokesman said it was not clear if he could be prosecuted. Possession of any amount of heroin is illegal,a highly addictive narcotic.The "Shoot Up & Swallow" shows will interview guests about drug use and abuse, while carrying out in-the-field experiments with sex and drugs Host, plans to smoke a heroin pill, have drinking binges in a series of pubs. Also take the drug LSD...On his couch under the supervision of his mother. The Netherlands is known for its marijuana policy, where sale and use of the drug in small quantities are not prosecuted even though technically illegal. Other drugs, including LSD, cocaine, Ecstasy and heroin are outlawed and dealers are prosecuted. The legal age for the consumption of alcohol and tobacco is 16. The BNN Show Has....Drawn viewer complaints for programs in the past, including a sex education program called "This Is How You Screw." One segment discussed how to have sex in a nightclub and featured life-size mannequins with sex organs It amazes me just how low people will go to get people to watch them on TV for fame!! What if he O.D.'s while taking these drugs? Are they going to tape that too?"

Liberal Verses Consertive

Most Americans have no idea what it sounds like to the rest of the world when an American condescendingly uses the word liberal as if it were a bad thing. Just to clarify: During the independence war, the British were the right-wing, conservative establishment. The Americans who decided to fight for their freedom were liberals. (liberal comes from liberty.) The founding fathers were liberals. The US is built on the ideals of liberalism. Thomas Jefferson (he wrote the declaration of independence) was a liberal. The declaration of independence, the constitution, and above all the bill of rights are the highest ideals of liberalism. You won't find a more liberal political paper than these documents. Everything the US stands for, everything Americans are proud of, are the liberal ideals of the liberal founding fathers. It has taken Europe centuries to reach those liberal ideals through horribly bloody wars. Ironically, today Europe is more liberal, while the US has drifted back into the same dangerous right-wing nationalism and radical patriotism that Europeans have fought centuries to rid themselves of - and that the US fought to liberate itself from during the independence war. Today the majority of Americans are more or less radical nationalists, with political views so right-wing, they often border on fascism. Of course Americans don't realize that. They think they're simply being "good Americans. This is just something I wanted to post, if you don't agree...Tell me!"